I Remember - 5

I remember 'You And Your Friend' by Dire Straits, playing on a loop in the CD player... the sad and melodious dialogue between the steel guitar and Mark Knopfler's guitar…

 

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I remember those I thought were my friends... and who were not there for me... Only you, I missed…

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I remember throwing myself fully into work – like plunging into bed after a long day of physical work – to avoid thinking about your absence…

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I remember your phone call to the company after your vacation; you had asked to speak to me... Nothing had changed. Though we were far apart, we were happy to find this intimacy between us, to chat... We had joked about our non-marriage in Spain... You had told me that you were volunteering at the hospital while waiting to work... Once again, we lost track of time in each other's presence and we were still unaware of it; my boss was giving me the evil eye, passing back and forth behind me; on your side, your mother had invited herself over so that you would free up the line... We had exchanged phone numbers…

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I remember the joy and hope that filled me when I hung up the phone...

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I remember the subsequent phone calls where I got your mother, leaving her messages for you...

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I remember giving up... my ego forbidding me from chasing you... If you wanted to contact me, you just had to...

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I remember that silence as heavy as a sledgehammer, that incomprehension... and those days when, sometimes so devastated, I stayed in my bed…

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I remember supporting a sick friend whose wife had left; we would go out to dinner together, listen to jazz; I loved seeing his smile and joy of living reborn as days went by…

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I remember I was fed up with that company...

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I remember the resignation letter held for a long time in front of the post office box... and the relief felt when it fell into the slot…

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I remember the commotion caused by my departure “for personal reasons” to justify an incomprehensible decision... How can I explain with the mind what comes from the heart?

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I remember those days preparing to leave the company, feeling the end of an era and the beginning of a new adventure at the same time…

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I remember those lonely days in my apartment; you were my cage...