I Remember - 3

I remember not being able to identify what I felt for you... It was clearly a strong friendship, and also something much stronger that I could not name…

*

I remember one day, during a lunch break, when we were alone in your office and talking. I considered that this might be the perfect moment to tell you how I felt… At one point, you said: ‘If one day I get married, my husband will have to…’; I no longer remember the end of that sentence, only the tone, which I found deeply selfish and authoritarian, not to mention the fact that you talked about a commitment that intimidated me…

*

I remember the day when you no longer had a computer, and I invited you to come and sit next to me to type up your report... and how challenging I found it to concentrate afterward…

*

I remember that afternoon (squash, billiards), then that night (disco), which was particularly unpleasant... I had no desire to be with you in society… There, you seemed entirely different…

*

I remember the next morning when our friends, you, and I had breakfast at my place, and the disparaging comment I made to you... Looking back, I understand that the anger I felt then was directed at myself because I was unable to confess my feelings to you…

*

 

I remember that, wanting to avenge yourself for my disparaging comment from the previous days, you, like a child, had stolen the ball from my computer mouse when I wasn't attentive...